We all have amazing birth stories. Whether you had no drugs or all the drugs, vaginally or cesarean, stillborn or breathing perfectly. We all have stories to tell, wounds to heal from and emotions to deal with. I want to encourage you to tell your story. You don’t have to have a blog to share on, share on your Instagram or facebook. Go for coffee and share your real self. It is not only healing for you but encouraging for others as well. We are not alone. We are stronger together!
I’ve said more than once “It’s not the birth story I wanted, but It’s the one I needed”. I say this because I have learned so much from my experience and I am thankful for the opportunity to grow. As promised, here is part 3 of my story. A few things I have learned from it all. These may seem like little things, but in the grand scheme of things, they are pretty huge.
God really is my strength. As Christians, we often use the phrase “God is my strength” Or “I am weak but He is strong”. This comes straight out of scripture.
“I can do all things through christ who gives me strength” Philippians 4:13
“But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” Isaiah 40:31s
Although I’ve sung songs with these words, read the scriptures and repeated it to my friends, I’m not sure I’ve completely understood until now how this works or what it means. When I hit the point of checking out during labor, when I was completely done and had nothing left, God came through. He gave me what I needed and helped me press on. If it was all me, I think I would have just given up and said ‘no thanks’. But he helped me get to the best outcome by giving me more energy, peace, a sound mind to say “YES” to the c-section.
I was weak, but HE is strong. I give Him all the glory for my story. And even now, on the days where I think I’m going to go crazy, I know and understand that I can make it through the day whatever happens because He is here with me and I can press into Him, lean on Him for my strength. He’s got my back in a way I cannot even fathom. He loves us so dang much. He is always right here, with me.
I am not in control. If I was, my story would look a LOT different. And honestly, I’m glad it turned out the way it did as I’ve mentioned already. I really like to have control over things, I am a list-maker, task organizer, plan ahead kind of gal. I love planner shopping, I probably own 3-4 throughout the year because new layouts excite me, I plan my days the night before and I lay in bed at night thinking of what outfit I’ll slip into the following morning.
When It came to Zoe’s birth I had it all planned out. I had envisioned the big day, prayed about it, read books, made a birth plan, had my checklist ready to go. I had packed my bag weeks in advance and I had said out loud to friends “I will not have a C-section” 50x. Why? Because when you have PCOS you are more likely to have a c-section. Because I believe in the power of words. Because I wanted to stay positive. Because I was in denial that it could happen to me. Because I was afraid.
I am not in control. And that’s the best place to be. When we give it all to God, we give Him room to move, room to shape us and room to surprise us with His awesomeness.
“Peace is what I leave with you; it is my own peace that I give you. I do not give it as the world does. Do not be worried and upset; do not be afraid.” John 14:27
“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” 2 Timothy 1:7
Since this day, I have been working on letting go of control. Instead of having a tight grip on everything, reaching for Jesus with open hands and asking Him to invade. And it’s been amazing. Some day I’ll touch more on living in fear and how that is not from God. But It deserves it’s own post because I have A LOT to say.
People love me, and it’s okay to ask for/receive help. I once had a friend (Randi) say to me “It’s okay NOT to be okay” when I was hurting and trying my hardest not to let it show. But she saw through it and let me know it was okay to just feel. To let her love me. To let her encourage me.
I had this idea in my mind of what post delivery would look like. And my reality was so far away from what I had imagined, nothing around me made sense anymore. And the best thing I could have done/did was let people (family and close friends) help me and love me. Every time my Mom came over she did the dishes or swept my floors or cleaned our toilets. I didn’t say “It’s fine mom, don’t do that” (Okay I probably did once or twice…) But instead, let her help because I needed it. And that’s okay.
I have said before and I will say it again, we are built for living in Community. It strengthens us, encourages us and helps us keep our sanity. It’s okay not to be okay, and to ask for help when you need it.
God love us so incredibly much. He loves this child more than I can imagine (which is hard to believe). He wants what’s best for us, and sometimes what we think is best doesn’t line up with what He has in store. He always sees the big picture… and when we let Him, He will continue to shape us and teach us new things.