This is my first Mother’s Day with a baby on the outside. It also happens to be that babies birthday! This year has flown by too fast and as I reflect on it all, I can see the ups and downs from a better perspective. My sweet, giggly, happy, curious little 1 year old will only continue to grow, and I will continue to be her teacher in many ways. I am so grateful that I have a Mom who taught me well and helped me learn to be who God created me to be. This letter is for you Mom. Thank you for everything.
Did you know I was watching? I’ve watched you since I was a little girl playing dress up in the basement.
I’ve seen you laugh without restraint, letting that joyful sound free into the world for all to hear. We used to stand still after Church waiting to hear it, so we knew what direction you were in. We would follow that sweet sound in circles until we came across you and your Brother or Sister in Christ full of the joy of the Lord. I love that laugh.
I’ve watched you cry tears of pain and love, hurt and happiness. You feel and care deeply. Whether you are going through it personally or with a friend, I admire how deeply you truly feel. You’ve taught me that emotions are nothing to be afraid of, but rather to embrace them, feel them, and work through them.
I’ve watched how you treat others with kindness even when I don’t think they deserve it, and I’ve seen the way you always try to choose the higher ground. You go above and beyond for those you love. Always encouraging, praying and helping in ways you can. Your kindness has been overwhelming in my life.
I’ve watched as you hold your head high in the darkness, only looking down to see God’s words and find His light for your path once again. I don’t know how you did it. You are so strong and brave.
When you taught kindergarten I saw how much time and effort you put into making the classroom look exciting and welcoming.
When we were singing show tunes in the car, I started speeding and we got pulled over, I saw in your eyes that you only want what’s best for me.
When you took me to Bible school and we had no idea where we were going, I saw that you were up for an adventure if you thought that’s where God was taking us. Even though it was hard.
When you got divorced I saw you walk in grace. I watched as you were real, raw and broken in front of your children, and openly worked through it instead of hiding and ignoring the problems.
And when you got remarried to this wonderful man who is now in our lives, I saw that love is more than I thought it was. It’s bigger. Stronger. Wider. It’s colorful and bright. Love has no boundaries and it shows up in unexpected places.
As I’ve watched, I’ve learned. As I’ve learned, I’ve tried my best to put into action. Mom? I love you. It is because of you that I have the confidence to raise my own little girl knowing that although I’m not perfect if I do my best and follow the Lord, that’s enough. I hope my daughter sees these things in me. The bravery, the strength, the love, and kindness. I hope when she hears my laugh she knows it is the joy that comes from our King and when she sees me cry, she knows it’s okay to feel deeply and show emotion without fear.
I’m not playing dress up anymore. I’m free to be me because you were you.