If you follow my Instagram (@juliadawnofficial) or Facebook page you’ve seen some of what’s gone on this week.
Late Wednesday night the Devil began planting thoughts and doubts in my mind about Little Bean. I struggled to imagine a healthy baby, I thought I had done something wrong, I wasn’t good enough, I hadn’t eaten right or done the right things pre-pregnancy to ensure babies health, etc. Of course, I had no physical proof anything was wrong, no cramping or bleeding, but in my mind, I began to believe something was off. He kept me awake most of the night, tossing and turning, crying in fear. I didn’t wake Neil up, I should have, but instead, I suffered through my anxiety alone and scared.
The following morning, Neil was off to work and the fear continued to reign over my body. I could hardly carry Zoe down the stairs or talk through my tears. She was so sweet and gave me lots of cuddles that morning. I think she knew I needed them.
I phoned around 10am to see if I could get in for an ultrasound that day instead of next week, phoned Neil and asked him if he could get off work at 1 for the appointment and then called my Mom who (bless her beautiful heart) came over to my house ASAP to give me a hug and help me through the morning. On the phone she had asked “What’s wrong?” and all I could manage to say through my shallow breath and tears was “I don’t know”. She had no idea what was going on, but came over and helped with Zoe, distracted me with conversation and laughter, and took little miss while Neil and I went to the ultrasound.
When I laid down I was already tearing up, preparing myself for terrible news, but the first thing she said was “Wow! Lots of movement!” and I burst into tears for the 30th time that morning. After explaining why I was crying she showed us Little Bean squirming around, showed us the heartbeat and let us know that the baby was doing great. Of course, she couldn’t tell us any more than that, because of protocol but my doctor’s appointment is on Tuesday of this week and I’ll find out anything else I need to know then. Little Bean played shy and didn’t let us see the goods, so we aren’t sure if it’s a boy or girl, but the more I think about it, the more it doesn’t matter. I just want this kid to be healthy and safe.
I share this with you because 1) I always want to be real and honest with you. We live in a world where people are constantly sharing their highlights of life through social media, which is great, but also false advertising. I believe that in order to really KNOW someone, you also need to know their darkness and pain. The not so glamor shots of the day. And 2) to say THANK YOU.
After sharing my post on IG and FB, messages, texts, comments, and calls came flooding in and blessed my heart 10 fold. I couldn’t believe how many people were encouraging us and lifting us up in prayer! You dear friends are amazing. Thank you.
The past while a few other things have happened that could easily get a person down in the dumps. My computer *RIP* decided to take a hike and stop working forever, Zoe has been teething non-stop so you can imagine the screams and tears coming from our home, I was to sing at the Jazz Festival in Saskatoon but due to unforeseen circumstances was unable to, our garage pad was poured on the property line so they had to break it all up and repour in a different spot (which really didn’t affect me too much except for the noise and it felt like just ANOTHER thing), we had frustrations with our carpet installation, Neil’s job has still not started, the list goes on and on.
But you know what else has happened lately?
My computer died, so I’m less distracted during the day while I play with Zoe! In light of eternity, a dead computer doesn’t matter too much! Zoe is FINALLY teething, which means we can give her more food options and that is super nice. Because I was GOING to sing at Jazz Fest my name got into the right hands and I’ve been connected to some amazing people and have some great opportunities on the horizon. We wanted to add 4 feet to our garage pad, and because they were repouring anyway, they did it for us all in one slab! WE HAVE CARPET AND CAN USE OUR BASEMENT (that’s probably the most exciting one!), Neil has had the opportunity to spend some time with people he would be able to if working full time and has built some great friendships. Again, the list goes on and on.
My point here is this: When the Devil tries to tear you down, you have 2 options, my friends. 1) Let him destroy you or 2) Let God destroy him. You always get to choose what attitude you are going to have in a situation. Let it pick at you and make you grumpy towards the world, or see what you can learn from it, what can you be thankful for, and not let him get into your mind.
I’m now a distributor for LipSense (AND IT’S AMAZING) and my group on FB is called Warrior Women. I chose this name because I don’t want to be a woman who sits around and just lets stuff happen. I want to be a woman who DOES things with purpose and passion. I want to wear my warrior armor and fight the battles life throws at me with courage and bravery. And I want that for my friends as well.
Be a WARRIOR. Not a worrier. Life is too short to spend it in fear, hiding and just excepting what happens. Fight! Be Brave! Take action! Don’t let those anxiety filled thoughts win, do something about it. Find peace.
What have I decided to do when the devil is trying to tear me down?
Walk the other way in the peace of knowing GOD has everything in control. I have my trust set on HIM. I truly believe He knows what’s best for me and my heart. Either way, things go, there’s a reason for it.
Know that you are loved, my friends!