A little while ago on my personal Facebook page, I shared a post called “Never Ask A Pregnant Women If It Was An Oops” from my blog and got an overwhelming response of things that REAL people have said to REAL pregnant women. My mind was blown. I can’t believe some of the comments that were shared! Of things that WERE ACTUALLY SAID OUT LOUD!
I have taken just a few of the examples I was given and written what an appropriate response would be instead. At the end of the blog, I’ll let you know what the most common answer was when asked what pregnant women would LOVE for you to ask!
A few Do’s and Don’ts when it comes to making comments and asking questions to pregnant women.
DON’T: Oh you must be having a girl! They say if you are having a girl they steal all your beauty!
DO: You are so beautiful!
*Why would anyone EVER in their right mind think this is okay to say to ANYONE!? It still boggles my mind*
DON’T: You are SO big, you’ll definitely have to have a C-Section!
DO: You are looking so great!
*Beleive me, when you are pregnant you have enough to think and worry about. Please don’t add this to our list. Also, chances are we have already considered this so no need to bring it up!*
DON’T: I was going to invite you, but you’re pregnant.
DO: Hey, want to come to this awesome party I’m having?
*Just because we are pregnant does not mean we don’t want to have fun and still go out! We are still human!*
DON’T: Are you sure you are pregnant? You don’t look like it!
DO: Congratulations! I am so happy for you!
*Yes. Yes, I am sure!*
DON’T: Better sleep while you can! You’ll never sleep again!
DO: I’m glad you are sleeping well!
DON’T: You are still exercising?! That’s not good for the baby, what are you doing?!
DO: Wow, good for you! I couldn’t do that.
DON’T: You are having a planned C-Section? Skipping the hard part hey?
DO: Good for you, that’ll be great!
*This one is personal for me as my upcoming due date will end in a C-section. I can assure you. This is NOT the easy way out*
DON’T: That poor baby won’t have a Dad! / Is the Dad in the picture?
DO: You are going to make such an amazing Mother! What a lucky kid!
DON’T: Why are you adopting, can’t you have your own kids?
DO: Good for you! That is such a beautiful thing to do!
DON’T: Wow you’ve gained a lot of weight hey? / Your face has really gotten bigger!
DO: You are looking great!
DON’T: Don’t take those pregnant hormones on me, man this kid is making you cranky!
DON’T: Don’t you know what causes this? *laughs* (referring to having ‘too many’ kids)
I’m sure you get the picture. As people commented on my FB and IG posts things that have been said to them, my heart sank for a lot of these women. Pregnancy is an incredible time in your life. Some people love it, and others really don’t. Adopting is a hard process and so rewarding. Fostering takes your whole heart and soul and strength. PLEASE, friends, be careful what you say to us new moms of all kinds!
When I asked the follow-up question “what do you WISH people would say or ask?” there seemed to be 1 overall answer that came through in everyone’s comments.
“Can I help somehow?”. Whether that means a frozen meal, babysitting older kids in those first months of the new baby (and even after that), coming to help clean the kitchen or watching the kids while Mama gets some well-needed rest. We just need help. Emotions are everywhere, adjustments are being made, the reality is sinking in, thoughts of how it would be are getting shattered and sleep is but a dream (HA- get it?…).
I get how fun it is to go to the new mom’s house and get those newborn cuddles. My Brother and Sister-in-law just had a beautiful baby girl and I LOVE those newborn cuddles. But Mama doesn’t always need or want you to take away her new beautiful baby, she actually wants to sit and cuddle while YOU get HER a glass of water, a meal prepared or sweep her floors that haven’t been touched in a week.
So what’s a good thing to say to pregnant women? “How can I help you prepare?”, “What do you guys still need to be as ready as you can be?”, “I would love to send over some baking when baby comes!”, “I’ll drop off some freezer meals the first week baby is here if that’s okay!”. – There are a lot of options.
And if you only take away one thing from this blog, please just never say “they say girls steal your beauty, so you MUST be having a girl!”. I just…. I… ugh.